The basic recipe for change is pretty clear. But that doesn’t mean change is easy. The people in our lives are used to us the way we are, we are used to us the way we are. In fact, our brains, which hate changing the patterns we have created, fight against even good change. Successful change is a massive architecture project.
So how does one undertake a project like this, knowing there will be so many obstacles? With humility, courage and discipline.
Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is the Way contains so many bracing and beautiful lessons – a few of which are folded in below.
First, humility isn’t about thinking small or being small. It’s awareness that you are part of a complex ecosystem in which everyone makes contributions and has needs. It’s realizing that your behavior has an impact on other people and governing yourself accordingly. Most importantly, humility is the ability to see yourself. Like confident people, humble people are aware of their strengths. Humble people are also aware of where they need to grow. There is no defensiveness is true humility. In my practice I work with incredibly bright, successful, humble people. They are completely open about asking for help. They are disciplined about doing the work. The result – they become better communicators, better leaders.
Courage is vital because the change process is always harder than we think it will be. As we observe ourselves closely we confront daily setbacks and failures. The more clearly we see our behavior and beliefs the more we find in ourselves things we wish weren’t there. We dredge up old wounds, limiting beliefs, and mistakes. Ryan Holiday quotes Benjamin Franklin on this topic: “The things which hurt instruct.”
When things hurt and our courage fails, what keeps us on the path is discipline. As Holiday writes, “Will is the discipline of the heart and the soul.” To train yourself in a new pattern you must attend to it every day. Even if your amygdala is fighting you the whole way. Holiday quotes Publius Syrus: “Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself.” Exactly!
The only person who can change you is you. No one else can climb into your head and modify your perceptions, your thoughts, your habits, your choices. There is a path and a process for change and growth. It is simple, but it is not easy. But is there anything more worthy of your effort and focus?
Bring your courage, your discipline and your beautiful humility to the table and you can become everything you are meant to be – which will make the world better not just for you but for all of us!
Communication is the essential last mile in finding and motivating the right teams, acquiring strong allies, powerfully bonding with customers, and capturing mindshare with compelling stories. Nothing will serve you and your vision better than developing exceptional communication skills.
