I just re-read Peter Mayle’s classic A Year in Provence, which was as delicious the second time around as it was the first time I read it, almost thirty years ago.
What does this classic travel memoir have to do with being a great communicator? Tons. Much of this delightful book is about climbing across cultures to communicate, to discern what people really mean, to get things done.
There’s a whole segment just on hand gestures. When the contractor who’s rebuilding your kitchen says “It’ll be done next week!” and accompanies that statement with no hand gestures, you can be confident that you’ll be cooking at home by next Tuesday. But when he waggles his hand horizontally to the left and right as he gives you a date, you may be waiting a couple of months before you’re tackling ratatouille in your own kitchen. Mayle learned the code and learned to navigate Provençal customs to create a beautiful life there.
He succeeded in communicating in Provence because he let go of his expectations and he observed.
When I first started managing a far-flung global team (75 countries around the world), I thought that a clearly worded e-mail would resolve any problem I had. In this day and age, there was no reason to get on a plane, was there? I was wrong. I had to let go of the expectation that I could manage things everywhere the way I managed them at home. In some countries, the only way to resolve a problem is to meet face to face. Once I surrendered my expectations and embraced reality, I built enduring relationships with my team around the world. And, I got to see places like the Taj Mahal too. Win-win.
Mayle was an exceptional observer. I learned this in my international adventures as well. On arriving in a new country, in my first meetings, I’d watch the dynamics, see who spoke first, see what they spoke about, see how much truth was told face-to-face and how much was handled behind the scenes. Watching before acting helped me avoid missteps and find solutions.
Whether you’re traveling around the world or just getting to know a new board member, surrender your own expectations. Observe. Create a map for communicating in this new situation. The relationships you’ll build are worth it!
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