You the person and you ‘the boss’

You may be a wonderfully open and supportive CEO, a department head, a team leader. You may be completely fair-minded and welcome frank discussion in every strategy discussion. And still, people who work for you may resent you, or be afraid of you.

Can’t your employees see you as a person? Can’t they recognize and understand how you feel? No, they cannot. At least not all the time.

Why? Because humans have deeply embedded (mostly unconscious) patterns and beliefs about difficult authority figures – scolding parents, imperious elementary school teachers, mean bosses at early jobs. These unconscious beliefs can wallpaper over the real you, until your employees can’t see you as a person at all. All they can see is a wallpaper-covered human form they recognize as ‘the boss.’

So what do you do? First, respect the power of unconscious beliefs. Your ‘boss’ persona is a real entity. There’s no fighting that. Even your most senior colleagues will occasionally slip into seeing you as ‘boss’ rather than seeing you.

When you accept the power and persistence of your ‘boss’, you can embrace it. As the ‘boss’ you become a metaphor. What kind of a ‘boss’ do you want to be? What do you want to represent? How can you use your powers for good? How do you want to communicate in this persona? What you say and say you believe as ‘the boss’ becomes the gospel the company lives by – take this very seriously.

It’s vital is to be consistent and fair in maintaining your ‘boss’ persona once you’ve created it. Professional boundaries exist for many great reasons. Employ them. (Yes, there’s a ton more to say here, but not in this post. . .)

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, ‘It’s lonely at the top’ is not a cliché for no reason!

Being ‘the boss’ requires a lot of energy and discipline on your part. You need help!  Create opportunities to be around people who do see you as you. Connect with your peers in other organizations so you feel less isolated. Stay healthy and well-resourced. That way, you’ll have the energy and support to be a great ‘boss’, and you’ll have a much better sense of perspective when you’re walking around covered with all that wallpaper!

Communication is the essential last mile in finding and motivating the right teams, acquiring strong allies, powerfully bonding with customers, and capturing mindshare with compelling stories. Nothing will serve you and your vision better than developing exceptional communication skills.