Sometimes, even if you’re a lovely person, even if you have best of intentions, things go awry. Communicating helps you create great things. But when communication breaks down, the way out can seem impossible to find.
Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler wrote Crucial Conversations to address these sticky situations.
A ‘Crucial Conversation’ is one in which opinions vary, stakes are high, and there are strong emotions. The authors say, “Situations like this trigger our adrenal response, sending our emotions flying and our hearts racing. And these conversations are often surprises, so we’re under pressure to navigate them without preparation.” Here’s a summary of the Crucial Conversations model for successful outcomes:
- PAUSE. Ignore your impulses. Think. What do you really want – for yourself, for others, for the organization? When you engage your brain to answer this question, you force your body and your emotions to take a pause. Self-mastery is the single most important skill a strong leader/communicator has.
- CREATE SAFETY. (And notice when it’s absent). You can’t have a successful conversation is the consequences of honesty are dire, or when one person has all the power. Start by finding a mutual purpose, which telegraphs mutual respect.
- PUT YOUR OWN STORIES IN THEIR PLACE. Everything you think about what someone else says and does is your interpretation, based on your own point of view. Put aside your feelings and interpretations and look for verifiable facts.
- START WITH FACTS. When you have to tackle a challenging topic, start by sharing your facts (these are the least controversial); then share your proposed interpretation of the facts. Ask the other person to do the same. Then you can start testing assumptions to find agreement.
- LISTEN. Listening is a vital activity in any successful conversation. Be sincere, curious and patient. If you are faking it, that will be obvious. So don’t. After you’ve listened well, you can find what you agree on, create a mutual purpose and build from there.
Read Crucial Conversations and learn the approach! The time you invest in learning to have these conversations will immeasurably benefit your life and your career.
Communication is the essential last mile in finding and motivating the right teams, acquiring strong allies, powerfully bonding with customers, and capturing mindshare with compelling stories. Nothing will serve you and your vision better than developing exceptional communication skills.
