Twenty-five years ago I was a happy PR girl engaged to a spectacular man. He was killed in a helicopter crash four months before our wedding. For months afterwards I was the worst communicator in the world. I was so broken and preoccupied I could barely understand anything anyone said, let alone respond coherently. When I did manage to drag myself back to work, I made some whopper mistakes in speaking to clients because my brain simply wasn’t working.
My story is a bit dramatic, but it doesn’t take a sudden and tragic death to throw you off your game. If there’s something serious going on with one of your kids, a whole part of your brain is with that child all day at work. If you just moved, your brain is massively discombobulated by all the disruption. If you just had a terrible board meeting, your body (which houses your brain) can be overtaken by powerful emotions.
When you are drowning in powerful feelings it’s really important, first, to realize it. Use your body to calm your body down. Deep slow breaths are the best way to start.
Second, summon your prefrontal cortex to make a prudent decision about what capacity you have in the wake of these strong feelings. For example, let’s say you’ve just had a customer screaming in your ear for 30 minutes and you’re five minutes late for your talk at your all hands. Take a few minutes. Breathe. Steady your body. Go into the bathroom to punch the air and silently scream if you have to. Then think of one or two great things that have recently happened. Focus on those as you walk toward the meeting with your team. It’s much better to show up eight minutes late than it is to show up in front of your whole team in a negative frame of mind.
Here’s what Rorke Denver, former Navy SEAL, says about the leader’s feelings: “Calm is contagious.”
Here’s the thing. Everything is contagious. When you feel full of anger and despair your team can feel it. The good news is that when you feel full of joy and confidence they can feel it too! When you build the capacity to be aware of your feelings and care for yourself through them, you are building a great skill as a communicator and a leader.
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poseycorp’s next Ask Me Anything About Communications is Friday, June 1st at 9 am PDT. This month, we’re talking about all the different kinds of content you need in a communications campaign. Come with your questions about soundbites, social media marketing, customer cases, advertising vs. owned media and anything else you want to know. Click here to register!
